the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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