i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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