he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
