who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
