There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
