dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sober January is a disaster.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
