...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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