well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
