the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
