I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
