I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
