why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
