i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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