We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
