you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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