Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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