i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
