Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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