So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize