The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
