the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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