i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
