I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
