Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
