how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
