So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
