Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
