I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
