My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
