Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
