Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize