Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I didn't notice because vodka
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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