omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize