just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he quoted the bible to break up with me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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