This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
When did angry sex become our thing?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize