So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
