i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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