I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
