last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
