batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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