sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
