went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
