Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize