Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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