Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
