I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize