i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
two words...techno handjob
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
