Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
