Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
not ubering you a puppy
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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