He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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