sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
