his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
