u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize