Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
