Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
