my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
