I CAN MOONWALK!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
