woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
