I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
