Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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