It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
