And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
