i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I smell like Dick and happiness
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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