I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize