I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
